Wednesday, November 26, 2003

My name is Albert Springtime Jones. I like long, naked walks on the beach. I spent the 1990's walking from the base of the Nile to Cape Town, South Africa. I took many pictures during my trek, but lost them in a freak zebra incident which I am forbidden to discuss by edict of the Namibian government. I am a street musician. I have written 17 musicals, mostly about cats. I usually perform them in public squares. Admission is free, I only ask that you give me love, and food for my many cats.

I have 14 cats. Their names are: Nelson Mandella Cat, Poquo QuJibo Cat, Azeqal-Pk'til Jr., Revolution, Def Jam Kitty, Exacto-cat, Frehab-Liko'ty-dinobo, Yoko Ono, Anita Hill Cat, Rainbow Living, Sunshine Cat No. 1, Sunshine Cat No. 3, and Sunshine Cat No. 4. Sadly, I lost Sunshine Cat No. 2 in an unfortunate encounter with a thresher during a personal appearance just outside Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

I recently lined my hovel with aluminum foil to protect myself from mind rays. I can feel the lining working as I no longer have the desire to drink Coca Cola or use soap when I bathe. My protection from the mind rays has also given me a new sense of enlightenment. Over the past month I have added 400 new pages to my upcoming biography of our greatest American President, Martin Van Buren. In addition to my biography on Van Buren, I've also figured out a way to introduce Martin Van Buren into my epic "Back to the Future/Quantum Leap" crossover fan-script. I don't want to delve too deeply into my script, but it involves an aborted revolutionary mollusk party in Kinderhook, New York and the number 6.

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