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Tuesday, January 06, 2004

LEVEL ORANGE

The United States Department of Homeland Security has recently raised the terror level to ORANGE. To protect yourself and your community, here is a checklist of supplies to get you through this tumultuous period intact:















Monday, January 05, 2004

Mars

We finally got back to Mars after nearly 30 years. Now I'll be able to access the time share my attorney sold me back in 1995. If the United States tries to squat on my rightfully purchased land, I will be very displeased and may have to sue them yet again.

I am told the 40-acre plot sits atop a red plateau overlooking a red valley filled with many wonderful red rocks. Beneath the land there is an old Martian well that should provide enough water for myself and my many cats.

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