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Friday, September 24, 2004

Parliament forbids the entry of Madonna into Egypt

Sad development for such a gifted, talented, inspirational, exquisite, beautiful, smart, comedic, nuanced, gravitational, awe-inspiring, Machiavellian, romantic, symbiotic, tasteful, restrained entertainer with much to pass on to us mere peons about how the world should properly be alligned. I weep for the people of Egypt. Weep. Due to the short-sightedness of Egypt's merciful leaders, the good people of Egypt will never know the grace of Madonna. They will never know her insightful analysis of such varied topics as hydroponic farming, or esoteric astrology. They will never learn Madonna's "12 Steps to a better You" or her latest dance craze, "The Ironic".

Unfortunately, Madonna should have known better. Her conversion to the spooky and mystical Zionist sect called Kabbalah was a clear signal to the civilized world that she hasn't yet found true enlightenment, which is unfortunate. Her latest album, "American Life" is probably the greatest singular achievement in Western Civilization next to "The Communist Manifesto" and that episode of "Diff'rent Strokes" where Mr. Carlson molests Arnold's friend, Dudley.

Despite Egypt's rejection of Madonna, I will still support her in her just fight. She is a national, neigh GLOBAL treasure. I can only hope that someday, my children's children's children will erect a new pyramid in Egypt to honor the mighty Madonna. The pyramid will be layered in platinum, and the top will be constructed of a super-diamond molded by the heat of her wisdom. The Pyramid will be so tall that one will be able to spot it from Rome. It's luminescence will cause of the great Sahara to become fertile again and feed the noble people of Africa.

By the grace of Gaia, make it so!

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