tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61341632011-04-21T16:41:22.224-07:00SpringtimeJonesThe life and times of an American icon Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comBlogger591100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1110930390828051672006-05-03T13:51:00.000-07:002006-05-03T15:51:32.466-07:00Pi!Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1111082335457586682005-03-17T09:57:00.000-08:002005-03-17T10:03:30.270-08:00The hypocrite's steroid guideby Jim Caple03/16/2005excerpts:"You're a 24-hour sports network that shakes its head at Barry Bonds, while you assign a reporter to cover his exploits on a daily basis.""You're a sports magazine that frequently attacks Bonds on the suspicion that he might have used steroids, but you've also run stories lionizing Bill Romanowski for his workout "regimen'' and you stillAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1110577955105863692005-03-11T13:16:00.000-08:002005-03-11T13:52:35.110-08:00Can the players just come clean?by Skip Bayless03/11/2005Behold the Glory of Skip Bayless. "Yet we know there have been lots of "communists" and "witches" in baseball -- lots of steroid users.""Call me a communist if you like. But I've said for years that professional athletes should have to waive their right to privacy and be tested on a daily basis for performance-enhancing drugs, as well as Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1107887338765390832005-02-08T10:22:00.000-08:002005-02-08T10:28:58.766-08:00Scrubs
"My Quarantine"
J.D.'s desperate efforts to make a good impression on his first date with Kylie go awry when he accidentally initiates a SARS quarantine.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1084925344981524722004-11-02T13:00:00.000-08:002004-11-02T13:36:13.770-08:00Dr. Heckyll, Mr. Jive & George W. Bush
On August 17, 1998, while playing a set in Austin, Texas at Lucifer’s Happy Bar and Smelting Laboratory, I noticed an unusual group of people sitting at one of the corner tables in the back of the joint. It took me a while to figure it out, but eventually I recognized them. It was George W. Bush and his entourage. Bush was wearing a bright yellow Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1097871773565199252004-10-15T13:12:00.000-07:002004-10-15T13:24:54.060-07:00ALCS Prediction (Part III)
Game 5: (Fenway Park) Bud Selig refuses to cancel the game despite 12 straight hours of rain. On the first pitch of the game (lead off home run to Jeter), Schilling plant's wrong and completely shatters his ankle. The bullpen is worse as Red Sox fans endure a massacre at the hands of the hated Yankees. To save their bullpen, Joe Torre allows Jason Giambi to pitch the Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1097607170355577142004-10-12T10:52:00.000-07:002004-10-12T13:58:27.403-07:00ALCS Prediction (Part II)
Game 4: (Fenway Park) Good times all around to start this one. Red Sox Nation wants a sweep. Instead of batteries, Red Sox management hands out firecrackers to throw at Yankee's right-fielder Gary Sheffield. To denigrate Yankee's left-fielder Hideki Matsui, a local artist paints a mural portraying Godzilla stomping on the Tokyo Tower. Aside from that unpleasantness, Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1097539194443414672004-10-11T16:27:00.000-07:002004-10-11T17:02:27.616-07:00ALCS Prediction (Part I)
Game 1: (Yankee Stadium) Curt Schilling pitches a Greg Maddux-like complete game shutout on 79 pitches. Like Voltron, David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez merge to form the dreaded Manny Ortez monster and homer four times. Tim McCarver mentions Derek Jeter's name 415 times, breaking a record set during Game 5 of the 2001 World Series when he mentioned Jeter's name 394 times.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1096932567409396812004-10-04T16:02:00.000-07:002004-10-04T16:29:27.410-07:00Hot Gossip:
Soap is not edibleCat Stevens did not write "Sweet Baby James"Ed Asner is a serious actor who should never be mockedMr. Spock was not a member of the Empire, and is not a Sith LordJoe Buck is not the anti-Christ, but they roll in the same circlesAlan Thicke is not the mayor of Vancouver"Wheel of Fortune" is fixedThe actor who plays Kobe Bryant in the "NBA" will be starring in a new Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1096673061152937982004-10-01T16:23:00.000-07:002004-10-01T16:24:21.153-07:00Note to self:
Jedi are scum.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1096415714891933262004-09-28T16:41:00.000-07:002004-09-28T16:55:14.890-07:00MoveOn: Bush to Blame For 'Extreme' Hurricane Season
Other things that are George W. Bush's fault:
San Francisco 49er quarterback Tim Rattay's separated shoulderThe lack of good movie parts for Robert PineThe cancellation of the television show Bosom BuddiesTornadoesHailJanet Jackson's wardrobe malfunctionTony DanzaThe NHL lockoutHe forced the Golden State Warriors to draft Chris Washburn in Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1096058809976054852004-09-24T13:06:00.000-07:002004-09-24T13:49:36.840-07:00Parliament forbids the entry of Madonna into Egypt
Sad development for such a gifted, talented, inspirational, exquisite, beautiful, smart, comedic, nuanced, gravitational, awe-inspiring, Machiavellian, romantic, symbiotic, tasteful, restrained entertainer with much to pass on to us mere peons about how the world should properly be alligned. I weep for the people of Egypt. Weep. Due to the Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1096044209204930832004-09-24T09:41:00.000-07:002004-09-24T09:43:29.206-07:00The Cult of Che
"The cult of Ernesto Che Guevara is an episode in the moral callousness of our time. Che was a totalitarian. He achieved nothing but disaster. Many of the early leaders of the Cuban Revolution favored a democratic or democratic-socialist direction for the new Cuba. But Che was a mainstay of the hardline pro-Soviet faction, and his faction won. Che presided over the Cuban Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1095970441305541672004-09-23T13:13:00.000-07:002004-09-23T13:14:01.306-07:00Iraqi interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi speech to Congress, 09/23/2004
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1095965852183219732004-09-23T11:54:00.000-07:002004-09-23T12:01:38.476-07:00from Allah Is In The House
"The big story this morning was CBS naming Republican Dick Thornburgh to the panel it's commissioned to investigate the meltdown. The New York Times says Rather isn't happy about that because, after all, how can we trust a political partisan to be fair and accurate in what he reports? And to anticipate your next question, yes, the irony of that is sufficiently enormousAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1095965337300969232004-09-23T11:45:00.000-07:002004-09-23T11:50:10.466-07:00Klingons for Kerry
Bad news for Bush. Kerry has captured the Klingon vote in Oregon.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1095962163439651812004-09-23T10:54:00.000-07:002004-09-23T10:56:03.440-07:00Hope Amid the Rubble
"What we are seeing in Afghanistan is far from perfect, but it's better than so-so. Disputes that would once have been settled with the barrel of a gun are now increasingly being dealt with politically. The remnants of the Taliban are doing what they can to disrupt the coming election, but their attacks, aimed at election officials, American forces and international aid Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1095959684632120682004-09-23T10:11:00.000-07:002004-09-23T10:14:44.633-07:00The doomed defeatist
"If you look at the broader picture, the Democrats made a disastrous error in the years since 9/11. One reason they’ve been in decline for a decade is that, on all kinds of matters, they’re in thrall to unrepresentative interest groups — to the radical feminist lobby on abortion, to the teachers’ unions on education, to the Jesse Jackson/Al Sharpton ethnic-grievancemongers Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1094156088125099812004-09-02T13:13:00.000-07:002004-09-02T13:15:36.386-07:00WHAT BOB HERBERT DIDN'T TELL YOU
"Herbert, McAuliffe, and the rest of the Democrats - the supposed "champions" of the African-American community - are manipulating the fears of black voters and playing on racial distrust and division to make sure that anything approaching a close race in Florida is contestable, and that any Bush victory is illegitimate."
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1093968042709944332004-08-31T08:56:00.000-07:002004-08-31T09:00:42.710-07:00A Media Meltdown?
Chevrolet Vega v. Honda Civic
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1093642120223274302004-08-27T14:26:00.000-07:002004-08-27T14:28:40.223-07:00Educating Jeremy
"All of the lessons I learned from this organization will make me a rich man. Eventually, I think I'll start my own amateur business. I not only will provide housing and a positive working environment, I also will teach my employees the benefits of working as a team. And though I'll be making millions running this business, I will sympathetically tell my employees that paying Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1093473172971513702004-08-25T15:27:00.000-07:002006-05-03T15:49:42.090-07:00First Time for Israeli Anthem at Olympics In response to Israel's first gold medal, the United Nations will be convening tomorrow to declare immediate sanctions against the IOC and Israel. The World Court has also announced that it will be charging the Israeli Government with "Conspiracy and Attempted Genocide." The World Court stated that Israel unequivocally hatched a plot involving the United Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1093304869160398602004-08-23T16:39:00.000-07:002004-08-23T16:47:49.160-07:00Random baseball player for 08/23/2004:
Lyman Bostock
from BaseballLibrary.com
"Bostock, the son of Negro League player Lyman Bostock, Sr., appeared headed for stardom before he was fatally wounded in 1978. In 1976, he hit .323 and received the Calvin R. Griffith Award for the most improved Twin. In 1977, he finished second to teammate Rod Carew in the AL batting race (.336 to Carew's .388). Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092949363408258712004-08-19T13:30:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:24:01.820-07:00Cubs sign Neifi Perez to minor league deal
With Tom Goodwin and Ramon Martinez already on the roster, Dusty Baker continues his epic voyage to corner the market on week-hitting former San Francisco Giants' infielders. One of my baseball sources imbedded deep within the front office of a club I cannot name (for fear of defenestration) has verified that Baker is also trying to coax Jose Uribe, Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092944398096021382004-08-19T12:38:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:25:43.300-07:00The Price of Dissent in Venezuela
"The opposition, understandably shocked and demoralized, insisted on a hand-count of all computer voting receipts as the only way of settling the dramatic disparity between exit polls that showed 58% to 41% in favor of the recall and the announced result of 58% to 41% in favor of retaining Col. Chávez. Later that morning the most important observer, former Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092872272442726182004-08-18T16:25:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:24:22.643-07:00FBI Expects Violence at GOP Convention
I'll be attempting to dissuade the mob by selling my homemade peach eucalyptus-sap cookies with rainbow sprinkles. It worked at the Democratic Convention in Boston. A group of Lyndon LaRouche supporters were trying to use their Jedi mind powers to telepathically remove the skin of Joe Lieberman to prove once and for all that he is actually a member of the Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092844565731349802004-08-18T08:49:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:26:03.230-07:00Child Pimp & Ho Costumes
Nothing to add.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092776041986409132004-08-17T13:52:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:26:30.063-07:00TMQ's AFC preview, plus the mysterious mystical law of 1,000 plays
"Every day is one step closer to the single-most important thing in all of the observable universe -- NFL opening weekend and the resumption of real games that count."
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092693749356814602004-08-16T14:55:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:26:47.796-07:00Wordcount
Random Rankings:
#18584: zebra
#25823: wonderland
#34254: bricklayer
#48360: tambourine
#59018: xylophone
#69274: normalcy
#79991: mondo
#84789: encrustation
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092683491147360282004-08-16T12:10:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:27:07.046-07:00Police: He hit the water, then the crack pipe
"We kept calling out 'Get out of the car! You're going to drown!'" Suffolk Police Officer Armand Reyes said. "But the only thing we heard was the sound of his lighter going click, click, click."
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092354212850495532004-08-12T16:42:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:27:55.093-07:00The Tambourine Players Hall of Fame
I will be petitioning for Juan's entry.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092337982860129422004-08-12T12:12:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:28:15.883-07:00John Kerry’s Bodyguard of Lies
"And it is time for the press to look into the charges brought by the Swiftvets. The Swiftvets have depositions, phone numbers, on the record statements, and for all of the innuendo from the Kerry apparatchiks, not one of the Swiftvets has enjoyed a fancy hotel room paid for by the Bush campaign, much less gone on a campaign tour with the candidate. It is easy to Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092336328463227232004-08-12T11:43:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:28:41.116-07:00"Kerry for President" Collectible Playing Cards
Impress your friends by breaking out these bad boys at your next Bridge Tournament!
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092330258069744752004-08-12T10:02:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:29:06.816-07:00T.O. needs to hit the books
"Commissioner Tagliabue and his gaggle of henchmen should be ashamed of themselves for overseeing the type of oppression being forced upon NFL players each season. Denying these well-paid men the right to dance, pick up hidden cell phones, snatch off their helmets and draw attention to themselves is a form of slavery more insidious than anything Jefferson Davis had inAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092241306024545952004-08-11T09:07:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:29:50.453-07:00Creation Boot Camp
Sign up today! Learn how dinosaurs are a nefarious liberal plot to socialize health care, legalize incest, and ultimately elevate Bill Clinton to the U.S Presidency, and eventually, King of the World! See our crack bible scientists prove once and for all that God loves all living things except for fags and Jews! Watch new footage from the early 1900's in which French and Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092164199802482372004-08-10T11:52:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:30:26.206-07:00Man Arrested After Allegedly Taping Uptown Buildings
I got into similar trouble back in 1998 for videotaping Madonna's chateau.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1092067400937991202004-08-09T09:02:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:30:55.246-07:00Bush Needs to Be Dismembered and Fed to Jackals Who Will Barf Up The Chunks For the Maggots To Consume, by Garrison Franken
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1091822066872110052004-08-06T12:53:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:31:15.566-07:00Rick James, RIP
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1091809021041644932004-08-06T09:14:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:31:51.980-07:00Major League Baseball At-Bat Music
I report, I decide.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1091727876078073062004-08-05T10:44:00.000-07:002004-08-26T14:32:44.976-07:00Everybody that disagrees with me is a Fascist.
That is all.
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1085085956305964972004-05-20T13:41:00.000-07:002004-08-17T13:58:52.096-07:00In Other Words AKA Project Moon Bar
With the help of my physicist friend Dr. Lando S. Dundelinger, I am in the planning phases of constructing a small vessel capable of taking myself and five companions to the lunar surface where I plan to construct the Moon’s first and only space bar which I plan on calling “Moon Cheers”. The vessel is a pyramid-shaped pod outfitted with a small bridge for Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1084488776287185072004-05-13T15:46:00.000-07:002004-05-13T16:49:45.883-07:00Happy 81st Birthday Bea Arthur!
Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1084406431237763882004-05-12T16:43:00.000-07:002004-08-18T13:15:24.460-07:00Bob "Death to Flying Things" Ferguson
My favorite baseball player of all time would have to be Robert Vavasour Ferguson, or Bob Ferguson for short. Bob played on many teams including the New York Mutuals (1871), the Brooklyn Atlantics (1872-1874), the Hartford Dark Blues (1875-1877), the Chicago White Stockings (1878), the Troy Trojans (1879-1882), the Philadelphia Quakers (1883), and the Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1084295252598493412004-05-11T10:07:00.000-07:002004-08-18T16:05:53.936-07:00Rainbow Living, 07/04/1987 – 05/09/2004
Sadness all around. Rainbow Living has purchased a one-way aisle seat on flight 477 to that wondrous Cat Wonderland in the sky. Rainbow Living died when he wandered into the old Klondike Tower in West Wendover, Nevada just as the building was being imploded to make way for the new and improved Jack Lancee Tower Casino and Lounge. It’s not the first time Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1084319951948217862004-05-10T16:58:00.000-07:002004-05-11T16:59:11.946-07:00"Perfidious advertising kills and I don’t want any blood on my hands."
FangAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1083798934093380662004-05-05T15:34:00.000-07:002004-08-18T16:06:26.240-07:00Down and Out in Butte, Montana
I hate to be a pessimist, but I think my stint as a street performer in Butte, Montana may finally be over. I’ve traveled all throughout this wonderful nation, as well as the wonderful nation to the North, and have always managed to make at least enough money to feed myself and my merry band of misfit cats, fellow musicians, and assorted followers. Butte, Montana Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1078214019700454942004-03-01T23:29:00.000-08:002004-08-18T16:06:53.716-07:00Yesterday I awoke in a gutter on a dimly lit street somewhere in Butte, Montana. Big Sky Country is what the locals call it. Only when I awoke the sky was cloudy and dark. That might be ironic, I just don't know. I don't recall ever being to Montana before so I have no reference point. Suffice it to say, I have no memory of the last two months except for a few random events.
First, I'm pretty Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1073421548418952162004-01-06T12:36:00.000-08:002004-01-06T12:42:21.600-08:00LEVEL ORANGE
The United States Department of Homeland Security has recently raised the terror level to ORANGE. To protect yourself and your community, here is a checklist of supplies to get you through this tumultuous period intact:
15 jugs of white sand
1-gallon of lactose-free, nonfat milk
The full-screen DVD version of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace dubbed into Hebrew
3 small Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1073337180122486402004-01-05T13:07:00.000-08:002004-01-05T13:13:19.353-08:00Mars
We finally got back to Mars after nearly 30 years. Now I'll be able to access the time share my attorney sold me back in 1995. If the United States tries to squat on my rightfully purchased land, I will be very displeased and may have to sue them yet again.
I am told the 40-acre plot sits atop a red plateau overlooking a red valley filled with many wonderful red rocks. Beneath the land Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1071783672527899222003-12-18T13:24:00.000-08:002003-12-18T14:07:09.220-08:00I’m in the mood for Yahtzee
It’s been a long time. The founding of the movement has begun. It is not known why the fish are jumping into the bucket, but they continue to jump and leap and frolic like school tomatoes. My bucket is starting to overflow with fish. All types of fish. Red fish. Blue fish. There are even yellow fish, though they are all dead. By the time the fish had flown, they wereAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1071605248210737962003-12-16T11:30:00.000-08:002003-12-16T12:07:42.256-08:00December 16, 1773
230 years ago today, Nigel Jones gathered with 8,000 fellow Bostonians to hear Sam Adams reveal that Royal Governor Hutchinson had repeated his command not to allow the ships out of the harbor until all tea taxes were paid. Later that night, Nigel and his fellow Bostonians dressed in Mohawk Indian garb and raided the ships. All told they dumped 342 containers of tea into BostonAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1071261378966712442003-12-12T12:32:00.000-08:002003-12-12T13:00:13.830-08:00Number #1
The cats sing!
Poo joo poo joo mew
A fow la fow reboo
Tara kara kasyy
We love you!
***Excerpt from "Theme from 'Mystical Cat Wonderland'"
On this very day back in 1982, I charted my first #1 song in Luxembourg. The song, “Theme from ‘Mystical Cat Wonderland’” was the result of a 71-hour jam session with my original band (Coop on harpsichord, Fang on tambourine, Little Shirley on Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1071096675015278372003-12-10T14:49:00.000-08:002003-12-10T14:51:26.923-08:00The day they shot Balthazar Alzax’r
The day I’ll never forget. April 19, 1999. I was ice skating with my personal assistant Piquo up on a frozen lake just outside Nome, Alaska. We had been skating and arguing, coincidentally enough, over the meaning of one of Balthazar’s poems, “Free the Otters Not War?” I was always under the impression that it referred to Balthazar’s lifelong addiction to Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1071016243623565082003-12-09T16:29:00.000-08:002003-12-09T16:42:34.006-08:00The Jam Incident
The worst thing about people stealing your jam is that you'll never get to feed it to your cats and see the look in their eyes when they gobble down the delicious nectar of the Smucker’s Gods. That is why 'jams and jellies' theft must be punishable by a surgical procedure that would replace one's arms with their legs, and vice versa. From first person experience, the sixth Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1070650681432455122003-12-05T10:57:00.000-08:002003-12-05T11:18:01.086-08:00Star Wars: Episode III
I met this guy yesterday in San Francisco near Mission Dolores Park. We started talking about the mayoral election when he mentioned he was George Lucas' personal assistant for the upcoming Star Wars film. I begged and cajoled him for details and he finally capitulated when I promised to play at his New Year's Eve Party next Monday. I promised not to tell anyone about whatAlberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1070578163917652402003-12-04T14:45:00.000-08:002003-12-04T14:52:08.606-08:00Norton I, Emporer of the United States and Protector of Mexico
"At the peremtory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the past nine years and ten months of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U.S., and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested, do Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1070476212849176052003-12-03T10:15:00.000-08:002003-12-03T11:03:35.853-08:00Juan the Tambourine Player
Every good performer needs a steady tambourine player. I believe it is one of the truisms of modern music. In order to protect the integrity of my gift to humanity, I play every instrument on my records. Considering the antiquated state of my recording equipment, this can be a little bit difficult, but not impossible. It just takes a lot of time and overdubs.
The Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1069875144637323442003-11-26T12:00:00.000-08:002003-11-26T12:18:47.303-08:00Yesterday was not the best day. At around noon, I became very hungry and decided to grab a bite to eat. Because it had been three days since my last meal (corn kernal sandwich with beet paste and homegrown mushrooms), I was open for pretty much anything. I looked around the shopping center by my hovel and spotted a Subway. Subway always looks so good in the commercials, and it's named after a Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6134163.post-1069873394975093022003-11-26T11:00:00.000-08:002003-12-11T09:18:15.806-08:00
My name is Albert Springtime Jones. I like long, naked walks on the beach. I spent the 1990's walking from the base of the Nile to Cape Town, South Africa. I took many pictures during my trek, but lost them in a freak zebra incident which I am forbidden to discuss by edict of the Namibian government. I am a street musician. I have written 17 musicals, mostly about cats. I usually perform Alberthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09583650861905610984noreply@blogger.com